Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Husband Whisperer

So, if I haven't already told you, I loved BYU-I education week.  I went to so many great classes that I really love and learned so much from.  One class that I was really looking forward to was "The Husband Whisperer."  I loved the name, and thought I can always use tips on how to get my husband to do what I want him to do. :)  Kevin Hinckley was the instructor, this is his website. 
To begin with he taught us, that we, as the Husband Whisperers, need to be gentler and softer, have more emphasis on the relationship, and have longer ropes (just imagine a horse with a metal bit in their mouth and a short rope compared to a long rope, which do they respond better too.)
He shared a scripture in 3 Nephi 11:3-6 in the Book Of Mormon, and I had to laugh!  It reads:

"And it came to pass that while they were conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven, and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice which they heard; ... And it came to pass that again they heard the voice, and they understood it not...And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it."
Ha!  That could either be your husband or your children. :)  Back to to class....
Kevin taught us that we need to talk to our husbands with gentle tenderness and strength. This means not being wimpy, weak, naggy, or whiny.  Tough, I know.
He had four steps to talking to our husbands so that they will hear us,

Step 1:
Own personal conduct.  
Where do I need to improve.  There are two of us in this relationship, and although sometimes we think it is all the other persons fault, we are both contributing and can both improve.
Step 2:
Spirit to Spirit
1. Use a still small voice.
2. Use physical contact.
3. Use eye contact.
At this point in time he went up to one of the class members, got down on his knee, took her hand and in looked into her eyes.  In a quite voice he said, "Honey, I am really worried about you.  I noticed... I am just wondering what I can do to help you."    He told us you don't have to get down on your knee or take their hand, but talking in a quite, non-nagging voice, touching them (on the shoulder or arm or holding hands, something like that) and looking in their eyes, that is what it takes to get their attention and let them know this is important and I really care.
Step 3:
How are you feeling?
How does this effect you?
What are your concerns?

Then really listen to them.  Don't just ask them and then start planning what you, as Super Woman, can do to fix it.  
Step 4:
What would you like to do?
What would you like me to do?

He said that we need to keep these kinds of conversations around 30 -60 seconds.  Our husbands will start out listening to us (especially if we use step 2) but after about 30 seconds they start to tune us out because they think that we are going to go on and on and start nagging.  But if we keep it short they will listen.

Now after this planning he said, what do you envision?  He instructed us to be careful when we are trying to assist our husbands to do things.  We cannot expect him to do it the same way you would expect from yourself.  

This was a great class.  I wish that it would have been an hour longer, I am sure that I would have learned so much more from him.  
FYI.. Kevin Hinckley is a a marriage counselor in Dallas, TX.  He has been doing this for many years, and I think he would be a great counselor.

I wish you luck as you "Whisper" to your husbands.



Emily said...

Love it Rachel! I didn't know you were here for Education Week! Fun! Great blog!

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